Let me start by telling you, you are certainly not alone. This time of year is always difficult, but with many of us unable to go anywhere and not be with family this year, it is going to be even harder.
I remember asking myself “What can I do or change in my life to stop feeling so lost and unhappy” I used to think the answer was buying myself something or doing something extreme. I couldn’t think how to take myself out of my mindset of self sabotage, because I was blocked by a mental fog.
When I started practicing mindfulness, I realised that fog could be put on hold for just a minute, then as this progressed it could be put on hold for two minutes and then even more. Once I discovered I could control the fog, I finally realised I had control of my mind and my thoughts.
What I was thinking was a choice! This was my eureeka moment…
What I was thinking was a choice!
But how did I become so lost and confused by this fog? I had surrounded myself with drama! I had allowed myself to watch negative things on the TV, I had people in my life that dragged me down, rather than picked me up and I never believed anything could change.
I was all consumed and I had no idea! The moments of taking a step back and looking out the window for 1, 2, 3, or 5 mins, this is when I realised what my mind was filled with. I started writing down how I felt and asking myself why I was feeling this way, what I needed to change to make it better etc? I was journaling myself better.
I was talking to the wrong people, I was watching and reading the wrong things for what I needed to heal and I was allowing myself to get more and more weighed down by it all.
One of the biggest challenges for me has always been to believe in myself and still is. I write out blogs or make videos and think “Is anyone even interested in what I have to say?” But then I get lovely messages or comments from you and I realise, yes they are! Having that self belief is imperative to taking a step forward in any area of your life. You have to think about why your doing it and know that there could be consequences, but believe in yourself and go for it.
Being vulnerable and being seen for who you are is the most rewarding experience. If you have shame and guilt, share it and you will most likely discover we all have the same secrets. Feeling lost and lonely, share it and tell people. Let people in, they want to help you. By sharing our thoughts with people, we attract who we need in our lives and the people that don’t stick with us, shouldn’t be there anyway! Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
STOP expecting too much, that was another one! Why was I not the perfect Mother, creating a children’s costume or baking a cake? I can tell you why, because I’m rubbish at it. Seriously my children joke about my cakes all the time. Understanding that is not something I need to be ashamed of and beat myself up about was very important. Yes we all have strengths and weaknesses, yes I was not super human and couldn’t get everything done all the time. I had to learn to take a breath and say “I did the best I could do and that’s all that matters.” The only person judging me, was me!
The best phrase I learnt was: “It is what it is, It is what it isnt!” Is that not the best phrase ever? Life throws us a challenge and we have to face it, the outcome will be the outcome, all we can do is our best. Historically a drama would throw me of course and ruin my day. Now however, I repeat that phrase and think “What can I do to fix this or does it even really matter?” Often the answer is no or is very easily overcome.
Back to my original question, how can I stop feeling lost and lonely?
- Dont beat yourself up
- Surround yourself with positivity, read, watch, share and absorb
- Be vulnerable and open yourself up to people
- Start being mindful in the day, learn to quiet the mind just one minute at a time
- Believe in yourself and believe change is possible
- Repeat the phrase “it is what it is, it is what it isnt!”
Wahooooo! Your on it, the path to a clearer and stronger mindset. Don’t think change happens over night, but every day will get a little easier if you follow my advice and if all else fails, get the music on and dance like a crazy person (best medicine ever!)
Keep smiling beautiful people.