One of my biggest life lessons has been learning about my own self worth and value. It sounds like something we should all automatically have within ourselves, knowing when to say no, or enough is enough. However, sometimes we get so distracted that we lose the connection.
During my married life there were times I would step back and think to myself, is making an issue out of this going to make things better or worse? So out of fear of the unknown I would choose not to listen to my own value and instead keep a happy home. Equally, I would do this in other areas of my life too.
As the years passed I became used to not listening to myself, putting my value to one side and losing myself in responsibilities. I didn’t want to know how I was feeling and why I was feeling that way. I was scared of what this would bring up for me. I allowed my fears to hold me back from ultimately loving myself.
It was at the end of my marriage that I started to rediscover this sense of self and started to reconnect with my inner voice. I realised what I had been doing and where I had been holding myself back. I had been accepting something, rather than wanting more for myself out of fear.
It’s been a long process and I’m still going through it. Staying true to myself is still a big area for me to work on personally.
It is certainly easier to lose myself once again in expectations, rather than face up to myself in moments of stillness. I have come close to a relationship since my break up and the one thing that I’m always drawn back to, is my own value and self worth.
If I value and respect myself, why should I accept anything other than perfection? It’s fear based, a fear of a lifetime of being on my own, a fear of other people’s judgements of me and a fear of failing as a Mum. Coming to something from a place of fear, will never be a correct guide to making a decision. Distracting myself with looking outside for something to replace this fear, rather than embracing it and feeling my way through it.
So I ask you, are you living in alignment with your own value and self worth?
Are you doing things for you, or for fear?
Life has a funny way of making us see these moments for what they are, this is your moment of clarity. Do I continue as I am, or do I make changes that could be scary?
Whether this is in your personal life or work, if your not valuing yourself enough to listen to what you need to hear, then you will only be manifesting problems for later down the line and delaying the inevitable.
Listen to me when I tell you, it’s scary! Choosing to make a life change that could, or will turn the people you love lives upside down, it’s too much to imagine. So don’t! Don’t think about the bigger picture, start small and start by getting to know yourself. Find out what’s out of alignment and think how best you can start making changes.
Once you are clear on what you need to change, how can you approach this gently, from a place of love and kindness? If you are wanting to take a leap of faith and set up a new business, or make a life change, maybe this is going to fill your partner full of fear. Have in your mind how to ensure they still feel listened to and valued themselves. Think about how to keep them involved, but with your value and self worth at the core.
Don’t act out of a place of pain. I have done this a couple of times over the past few Years and it has never resulted in a positive outcome. Although I am a great believer in everything happens for a reason and those times did make me learn even more about myself. They also enabled me to share my own failures with you, hopefully preventing you from making the same mistakes. When we act from a place of pain, we say things the wrong way and can make a situation a lot worse.
Take the time you need to invest in yourself, to be clear and focused on what you need to change and your expectations of the outcome. The more tuned in to yourself that you are, the stronger you will feel when you need to be. Step out of a situation if it becomes difficult or painful, there is no rush for an outcome. The focus here is on you learning to love and value yourself again, not hurt yourself.
I often reflect on the changes I made in alignment to my own value and self worth and have never looked back. Just make sure you are living for you, do what you love and what makes you happy, the rest will follow.